The ocean is a riddle, wrapped in an enigma, doused in mystery. Many people like to claim that we know more about the surface of the Moon than the depths of our oceans, but I can’t be bothered to verify if that’s true. Naturally, the Moon is a lot easier to photograph, but I think there’s a better reason why me have more information about the Moon’s surface than the sea floor.

For the most part, the sea floor is incredibly dull. Once you’ve seen one mile of barren sand, you’ve seen it all. There’s one funny-looking octopus every 100 hectares and that’s about it. Sunken pirate vessels are hard to come by, so no one bothers looking. The Moon, on the other hand, is vaguely interesting and full of Moon rocks. We haven’t found any crashed space pirates yet, but we’re working on it. If we could photograph the ocean floor from a satellite we would, but it’s hard to cut though several miles of ocean, just so you can take pictures of sand.

Plus, we know there’s no life on the Moon, because it doesn’t have any sort of atmosphere worth mentioning. The ocean is a different story. The ocean is frigging scary. You never know what sort of deranged creepy-crawlies you’ll find at challenger depth. No one wants to descend into the darkness just so they have a 10 percent chance of seeing a fish, a 89 percent chance of seeing nothing, and a one percent chance of waking Cthulhu from his eternal slumber.

Don’t be that guy who goes around unleashing unspeakable cosmic horrors. That guy doesn’t get invited to parties.