In a world filled with bands that no one’s ever heard of, making music that no one wants to hear, in genres that defy explanation, several music videos stand out from the rest. By stand out from the rest I don’t mean that they’re good, or even slightly better than all the other ones. They’re simply the first three I could find that didn’t make me want to puke on my own shoes. I’m not including the legendary Zlad! on the list, because it’s in a league of its own. Zlad! is the standard that everything is measured against.
Without any further ado, here are the best worst music videos I could find in my bookmarks at three in the morning after a long day of drinking white Russians and sleeping:
There will always be a special place in my heart for any video that manages to capture the magic of Michael Jackson’s terrifying, deformed face without actually having to go within 100 yards of an actual video of him. For providing mild entertainment for the first thirty seconds that I watched the video, Indian Thriller gets third place.
Despite all outward appearances, this video was not made in a depressing hellhole somewhere in the Soviet Bloc where the concrete floor has a slight slope that leads to a sewer drain, so vice-chancellor Azarov won’t get any blood on his loafers when his guards give dissidents a .22 lobotomy. It was made in Sweden, which is the home of IKEA, vikings, and people who think that the Führerbunker was the pinnacle of modern architecture.
I don’t think I need to say anything about this one. Remember, you don’t have to watch the whole video if you start feeling sick. We are not responsible for any damage to you or your property that results from watching this video.