When I eventually decide to spawn tiny people of my own, this is the only way I will ever wash them. It’s been scientifically proven that children are covered in a thin film of disgusting goo 100 percent of the time, so the only way to clean then off effectively is to take them out back and hose them down. When hosing them down isn’t enough, many people will resort to bathing their urchins in a swimming pool full of bleach, but sometimes that isn’t enough either. Perhaps the best way to bathe your guttersnipe is with an automated car wash.

It’s a win-win situation. Your truck gets a nice waxing and buffing, and so do your kids.

(Many thanks to Charles Schneider for sending this one our way)