I need to find me a woman who wants five hundred kids. Every girl I meet just runs away and calls the police when I tell them I want five hundred babies. Maybe if I told them I needed the babies for science they would be more willing. People will do anything for science, good vibes, and granola bars.

Still, there’s the matter of five hundred babies. That’s a pretty hectic baby making schedule. If I spend all my time making babies I won’t be able to blather all over the intertunnel, so I think I’ll just farm out my baby making to you, the readers. Go out and do me proud. Bring me five hundred babies by next year, or I’ll be very disappointed.