Never trust an eel. I know we’re all human; we waive to temptation sometimes. Just never, ever, trust an eel.

Imagine you’re out scuba diving, and you bump into a polite, spiffy looking eel. At first the conversation is a bit awkward, but you eventually warm up to each other. The eel stares meaningfully into your eyes and compares them to the vibrant hues of a coral reef, or whatever it is eels are into. He begins whispering sweet nothings into your ear, and reading you French poetry from a small book he carries around in his eel pocket. He promises you he’s not like other eels. He claims to be a perfect gentleman, and you believe him. As he whisks you away to his undersea lair you start to relax, and begin to think that maybe eels aren’t all bad after all. Then before you can say, “Oh dear God, he’s eating my kidneys!” you’re missing several vital organs.

So remain vigilant, my friends. One day you’ll meet a nice girl with a nice eel who doesn’t want to devour your organs, but until that day comes — get a dog.