It’s not that I don’t know where Uzbekistan is. It’s just that I don’t care where Uzbekistan is. It’s over there near Trashcanistan and Beheadistan and Gasflareistan somewhere. Honestly, who gives a crap?

But even though I don’t know what’s going on, and for all I know the unintelligible lyrics in the soundtrack are about microwaving kittens or drinking latex paint or throwing puppies into volcanoes or something, I do know I’m up for a trip to wherever that is. Sign me up. Let’s go. Time’s wastin’. I’m packing right now.