Of course, it’s generally after you’ve taken the whole thing apart, and are sitting in the middle of the garage with bits and pieces strewn all around you.
Honestly, next thing some girl will be telling us to stop the car and ask perfect strangers for directions. Like they’d know more about anything than you would. Girls are just jealous because Nuvi has a sexier voice than they do, and you actually listen to her.
Pretty soon we’ll be restricted to trying to run sleds into trees and driving fast on black ice to get our kicks. All the girls will be wearing clothes and sneezing on you. Summer’s over. We’ll be able to amuse ourselves for a while by fashioning snowmen in pornographic poses, and throwing snowballs at cars, but it’s much harder to light the fuses on your home-brew explosives when you’re drunk and wearing mittens, instead of just drunk like in the summer.
Well, look on the bright side: when the ice on the pond gets to be 1/8″ thick, we can go skating at night.
Ah, bears. We sleep with a stuffed version of them, and we make them into funny hats for Beefeaters. It’s their own fault for acting so lovable all the time. No one treats a tiger like that. But bears can’t help looking like they’re having fun all the time. They even look cute with a big, pink ring around their muzzle when they’re eating a baby seal. You could never get away with that. But bears can. They’re cute and cuddly, and you’re a schlub without a fur coat.
The second video looks fake-ish to my eye, but then again, about 95 percent of the breasts on TV are fake, and I find myself looking at them anyway. What the hell.
[Thanks to reader and commenter and friend Casey Klahn for sending those along]
Poor guy. Everyone knows you use the Mighty Foot to make breakfast, not the 9 millimeter.
But it’s nice to see him getting help and support. Of course, there’s little hope for the 156,000,000 guys that think they’re capable of both playing for, and being the general manager, coach, and offensive coordinator of an actual NFL franchise, just because they’ve been playing Madden on the All Pro setting. Maybe we should have a telethon or something.