Pretty soon we’ll be restricted to trying to run sleds into trees and driving fast on black ice to get our kicks. All the girls will be wearing clothes and sneezing on you. Summer’s over. We’ll be able to amuse ourselves for a while by fashioning snowmen in pornographic poses, and throwing snowballs at cars, but it’s much harder to light the fuses on your home-brew explosives when you’re drunk and wearing mittens, instead of just drunk like in the summer.

Well, look on the bright side: when the ice on the pond gets to be 1/8″ thick, we can go skating at night.