Borderline Sociopathic Dance Party

Borderline Sociopathic Dance Party

It ain’t a party till the cops come, or at least that’s what my dad told me. He seems to be an expert on such things. Being that he’s at least vaguely Irish I’m not sure there’s much he couldn’t tell me. I do however have full confidence that my daddy could take your daddy any day of the week, but I digress.

I don’t go to parties anymore. It’s too much effort trying to pick my friends back up from under the table. I’d stay for the music if there was any, but it’s just beep and bloops being blared at flight deck volume. I’d rather not go than complain about it. Let the people have what they want, I can throw my own party and get what I want whenever I feel like it. Of course, I want to listen to Oingo Boingo records while squatting in my living room, but that can be a party too.

The Best Worst Music Video Ever

The Best Worst Music Video Ever

I think it’s the one armed fellow playing the pan flute that really does it for me. Or maybe it’s their ludicrous outfits. I don’t even know anymore. Every moment of this video is a barrage to the senses. I feel like my head is being held underwater while I’m being brutally beaten, so take that as a glowing recommendation.

I guess when it comes right down to it this video isn’t exactly bad. It’s not exactly good, but it would be much less interesting if it was good. It has some good production value for being from Moldova; not that there’s anything wrong with that. I’m sure Moldova is an absolutely lovely place. It just seems like an unusual location for the world’s next pop sensation to emerge from. The one armed flautists on the other hand will shoot to the top of the charts faster than you can say self-immolation.

Girls Only Want Guys Who Have Great Skills

Girls Only Want Guys Who Have Great Skills

You know; nunchuk skills, bowhunting skills, computer hacking skills. Useful stuff like that. I mean, look at this dork. He can’t even land a high five, yet he has managed to find someone presentable enough to put in a sparkly dress and display on a pool table. The man is wearing batting gloves and shiny pants for Christ’s sake.

But, he has sweet skills, and that’s all that matters. His sense of style doesn’t come into it. He could dress as ludicrously as he likes, and still pull a bus-load of babes. It’s because of all his sweet skills and hookups. Never doubt the sweet hookups.

GREASE ME UP, WOMAN

GREASE ME UP, WOMAN

This has got to be the best slip and slide ever. Anything that requires lubricant has got to be good. Perhaps I should have phrased that differently. Oh well. The fifty foot drop is a plus.  Having water at the bottom is pretty cool too, I guess. Back when I was a lad my friends and I would have to jump off a twenty-five foot ledge just to get to the fifty foot ledge; and it was uphill both way.

As much as I like to see young people hurling themselves off a cliff, something seems a bit off. I feel like I’m watching an ad of some sort. I don’t have any hard evidence, but if you look really closely you’ll catch glimpses of what could be product placements. It’s probably just my imagination. Anyways, I’m going to go buy a boat and some life vests, so long for now.