Gravity Is Just A Suggestion Anyways

Gravity Is Just A Suggestion Anyways

This guy was about three inches away from making a LiveLeak video, but it didn’t pan out so he’s going to have to settle for YouTube. I can only assume he was hired to make a video titled “Basejumper Horrendously Rips Legs Off And Crashes Into Building”, but decided that he wasn’t getting paid enough to follow through. He still managed to drag his butt along the mountainside the way a dog wipes his butt on a carpet, so he got pretty darn close.

I’m not all too impressed though. Until he can do all that without spilling his beer there’s really no point in going on.

Well I See He Managed To Get His Shirt Off Vol.2

Well I See He Managed To Get His Shirt Off Vol.2

Ah, the sweet smell of agriculture in the morning. It’s a little known fact that hard rocking and farming have gone hand in hand for centuries. Now, I know what you’re thinking, “But Charlie, hard rock is so cool and farming is so lame. AC/DC and tractors don’t mix, and they never have.” Well that’s where you’re wrong.

Every piece of rock music can be played by a group of farmers with three teeth between them without making any alterations whatsoever to the music. Now why do you think that is? I have an answer that a lot of you may not very much care for. Rock music is just loud country music, and country music is just a polka. Thunderstruck is a polka. Are you catching what I’m flinging? Big brass tubas, accordions, and tiny trumpets; that type of polka.

Here are some other well known polkas:
Stairway To Heaven — polka
Smoke On The Water — polka
Back In Black — polka
Dream On — polka
Enter Sandman — polka
Sweet Child Of Mine — polka
Layla — polka
Crazy Train — polka
YYZ — polka
Hotel California — polka

Sultans Of Swing — polka

The list goes on, but you guys get the idea: if it can be played on a zither it’s probably a polka — Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

[A big thank you to Sam from Oregon for sending this along]

You Don’t Know Pain

You Don’t Know Pain


I don’t know who Hamish and Andy are. They’re from Australia, I gather, where everything from goldfish to petunias will sting you, so I assumed they’d be a little more stoic about the whole thing. The one with the disco deficiency put on mittens full of bullet ants. I gather that little boys in that tribe do it to prove how tough they are, and they do it twenty times or so before they find a more salubrious hobby like mumblety peg or tickling caimans or something. And these two have the unmitigated gall to call this the worst pain known to man? Pfft.

Please. They’ve obviously never filled out a Schedule C at midnight on April 14th. Try swimming at Old Orchard Beach in Maine in May. Go on, I double dog dare you. Don’t they have Catholic schools in Australia? Stick out your hands for a nun holding a metal edge ruler and get back to me.

For cripes sake, these tribesmen have never even heard of Bucky Dent. They don’t know pain.

[Thanks to Gerard at American Digest for sending that one over]

Yield To Wiscreants

Yield To Wiscreants


I had no idea everyone in Wisconsin was profoundly mentally challenged. I mean, I’ve watched this video, like, three or four times now, and each time I expect to see a fleet of short buses appear and enter THE ROTARY, YOU IDJITS, IT’S A ROTARY…

I’m sorry. I got a bit carried away. Ahem. I better call it a roundabout. I guess that’s what Wiscones, or Wiscassetts, or Wiscretins, or Wiscaholics, or Wiscalliopes, or whatever you call people that live in a big, mitteny state that needs to tell people wearing halter-top-Yugos running in a circle on a king-sized toddler’s car carpet not to drive over the median or yell RAMMING SPEED! and crash into each other like blind goats when they get to a ROTARY, IT’S A DAMNED ROTARY, YOU WISCALCULATIONS OR WISCREANTS OR WHATEVER THEY CALL YOU.

Do the coaches have to tell you not to run to third base on a single, too? I mean the players on the Brewers, not T ball. Pull yourselves together over there, will you?

[Thanks to old friend Charles Schneider for sending that one along]