Welcom To Australia: Where Giant Rats Fight To The Death In The Streets

Welcom To Australia: Where Giant Rats Fight To The Death In The Streets

I don’t care if it’s immoral, or illegal, or whatever; I would buy tickets to watch this. With kangaroos, every fight is Ali vs. George Foreman and his many grills. I’m pretty sure this is the least dangerous thing to happen in Australia, anyways. Everything that isn’t actively trying to kill you wants to beat the tar out of you and steal your awful knockoff El Camino. I think they’d actually be doing you a favor because you can take the money and buy a real car, and not a half-melted pick-up truck.

I’d say that no animals were harmed in the making of this film, but I’d be lying. Let’s just agree not to tell, and it’ll be our little Intertunnel secret.

Mmmmm — Unexplained Bacon

Mmmmm — Unexplained Bacon

Pork chops and bacon are my two favorite pig-based foods. I would add hot dogs to that list, but they have a lot more horse, kangaroo, and gerbil meat than pig.

I try to make every meal just a little bit better by adding bacon. I like to add bacon to burgers, salads, pizzas, and other strips of bacon. If I’m feeling fancy I’ll have caviar wrapped in bacon and bacon bits in my ice cream. Pesto pasta and bacon is almost as delicious as pork chops and bacon wrapped in bacon. The ultimate meal that anyone can make is steak tips wrapped in bacon inside of a cooked goose that is covered in bacon, which is then wrapped up in a slightly larger goose, wrapped in bacon, and then cooked inside of a large hog — that is also wrapped in bacon.

If you’re even in need of some cooking advice, or if you’re short an ingredient and don’t know what to use; bacon is always the answer.

How To Woo Women: Volumes 1 – 24

How To Woo Women: Volumes 1 – 24

His mullet has an excellent business to party ratio. Just enough hair up front to let everyone know that he’s serious, but with enough unkempt mane in the back so everyone knows he’s a chill dude. He needs to go out and get some token tribal tattoos to complete his mullet, leather vest, and aviators ensemble. Maybe he can top his evening off by driving home in his Pontiac Firebird Trans Am and throwing a couple of cold beers on the grill and eat a raw, bloody steak — or whatever.

If I were of the female persuasion, I would think twice before pepper-spraying him in the face and calling the police.

Roads Are Optional And Bridges Don’t Really Matter

Roads Are Optional And Bridges Don’t Really Matter

A long while ago my father took me out to drive for the first time. I was young and borderline retarded, so the only experience I had ever had driving a car came from video games. Before we set off, I cleared my head of any previous knowledge I had acquired from running down pedestrians on the TV, so we might have a fighting chance of getting back alive. I had never sat behind the wheel before and my knees were jammed up under the steering wheel. I adjusted my mother’s seat and placed my hands at ten and two. My father was seated beside me and he looked on with a sense of vague disappointment as I struggled to put the car into drive. After some fiddling, I managed to get the car to move forwards.

My father reminded me to drive between the trees and look out the windshield occasionally. It saddens me to see that the person in this video did not have a father to tell them to buy a real car and drive on the right side of the road.

(Many thanks to an anonymous commenter for sending this along)