My name is Aric, and if you study with my eight-week program you will learn a system of drumming that I learned over two seasons of fighting with every other member of my King Crimson tribute band. It’s called Aric Kwon Do! After one week with me in my eight-week program, you’ll be prepared to drum with the strength of a grizzly, the reflexes of a puma, and the wisdom of a drummer.
Ah, speaking Russian. That’s how you know it’s going to be fun, and pointless fun at that. The whole country seems to be the opposite of George Mallory. When asked why he wanted to climb Everest, he explained, “Because it’s there.” “Because it’s there” works both ways, in Cyrillic.
Let’s face it. Squidward Tentacles was right: In the future, everything is chrome. Or more accurately, we should go back to the future, and make everything chrome again. Your car should weigh three tons and get eight miles per gallon, and a full ton of that weight should be fins and chrome trim. Your washing machine should have some chrome on it, and shake your house to pieces on heavy wash cycles. And your toaster should be chrome, weigh more than a poodle, and work like this one.
The Internet forgives, but it never forgets. (real fun begins at 2:30)
It was the eighties. Things were different. Phil Simms figured you’d have to drive to your cousin’s house in Nebraska on Thanksgiving and bring a VCR tape if more than two people were ever going to see this thing. He had no idea that he’d be digitized and displayed on the Interwebs forevermore along with the waitress from Mel’s Diner in a cheetah-print Tarzan-and-Jane outfit with her breasts in low Earth orbit around her torso.
I have no idea why Todd Christensen is wearing a motorcycle helmet.