As Soon As This Baby Hits 88 Miles Per Hour — It Becomes A Felony Offense

As Soon As This Baby Hits 88 Miles Per Hour — It Becomes A Felony Offense

This guy really seems to have the whole getaway part of his getaway down pat, it’s what happens afterward that needs some work. Last time I checked, posting a video of yourself committing a crime to the vast network of tubes that is the Intertunnel, isn’t a very bright idea. Then again, nothing that happened in the video is a very bright idea, so I’ll let it slide. The police, however, won’t let it slide, and I imagine that they’re going to want to have a little chat with our speed-racer friend once they get a load of this video.

It’s okay though, I promise not to tell if you won’t tell. We all know how well the Intertunnel can keep a secret, so this guy is safe.

The Japanese: What Won’t They Turn Into A Robot?

The Japanese: What Won’t They Turn Into A Robot?

I don’t think they should go any further with this robotics business, I’ve seen the majority of Terminator Two and I’m pretty sure I know what comes after robot trashcans. The trashcans and the Roombas start colluding, conspiring, and other nasty words. Then you wake up one day to find your floors are all dirty, and there’s trash everywhere because the robots have revolted and taken control of the downstairs bathroom. Now you have to sweep the floors yourself like some kind of animal, and you can only use the upstairs bathroom. I mean, what if you have guests over and multiple people want to use the bathroom at once? Where will you be then?

I say, the sooner we go back to hiring street urchins to do our bidding the better. At least guttersnipes will simply try to smother you in your sleep instead of embarrass you in front of your friends and family.

I Didn’t Know You Could Get That Loaded

I Didn’t Know You Could Get That Loaded

There must have been a pretty strong wind that day centralized in a three feet area around that one guy and his friend. It looks like it’s only about three in the afternoon, so I don’t know why they’re trying to go home so early, they have about another seven hours of drinking ahead of them. If they stayed in the bar they could have completely avoided the wind and everything would have been dandy. There’s nothing that another liter of vodka can’t fix.

I’ve watched so many YouTube videos over my lifetime I’m beginning to recognize patterns everywhere. We’ve essentially been watching the same five videos over and over again with slightly different music in the background. Example one:

Did I just blow your mind? Because I think I just blew my own mind.

Bears? I’m Not Afraid of Bears — Bears Are Afraid of Me

Bears? I’m Not Afraid of Bears — Bears Are Afraid of Me

The same technique can be used on lions, tigers, social workers, and the elderly.

It’s not too difficult to pull off; simply look into the eyes of your unwanted assailant and show them that you mean business. You don’t have to flash a piece or tell them that you know karate. That’s a great way to get beaten up, because they know just as well as you that you don’t know karate. Even bears know that you don’t know karate. Sometimes the best way to get your point across is with a stern word and a hard stare.

Not only will your adversary be surprised by your confidence, they will immediately fear you. If it doesn’t work you’ll get your face ripped off, but it was worth a shot.