Ever since I was a little boy, I’ve always dreamed of being an attack helicopter. Although my aspirations have both disappointed and confused my parents, I think that they’ll accept me in the end. Even though they’ve repeatedly told me that it’s physically impossible for a human to morph into an attack helicopter, I fail to see how that is a problem. After I mount a 30mm cannon to my body, who’s to say what’s impossible?
I always thought SpongeBob would be more of a Meshuggah fan, but I guess I was wrong. He’s definitely into some heavy stuff, I mean, just look at him. He’s one brutal dude. He makes burly, face-painting metal dudes look like complete grannies. SpongeBob can head-bang with the best of them.
My name is Guido Hatzis, and if you study with my eight-week program you will learn a system of plumbing that I developed over two seasons of running pipe under the octagon. It’s called Guido Kwon Do! After one week with me in my eight-week program, you’ll be prepared to plumb with the strength of a grizzly, the reflexes of a puma, and the wisdom of a man.
Hello is always a fair place to start. “Give me your purse!” and “Would you like to see my knife collection?” rarely work for me, so I would advise sticking with something simpler. Even hi will work. If you’d like something less formal, grunt a few times. I’ve never tried it, but it will probably work. Girls are into that kind of thing — I think.