Have You Ever Been So Mad At A Bug That You Build A Machine To Wipe Them Off The Planet? New Zealand Man Has.

Have You Ever Been So Mad At A Bug That You Build A Machine To Wipe Them Off The Planet? New Zealand Man Has.

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New Zealand Man, not to be confused with Aussie Man, is a different sort of man entirely. While Aussie Man can pound down 10 cans of Fosters Lager an hour, New Zealand Man prefers to kick back with a nice barrel of Speight’s Gold Medal Ale. While Aussie Man lives in a place where everything that walks, crawls, or slithers on its belly is actively trying to kill him, New Zealand Man lives in relative comfort — because only half of all indigenous life is actively trying to kill him.

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So Easy, A Caveman Could Do It — Or Not

So Easy, A Caveman Could Do It — Or Not

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I thought living in a cave was supposed to be a lot cheaper — and dirtier. I’m kind of disappointed. I was looking forward to moving into a cave someday, when all my children disown me, and my wife politely asks me to leave the house or she’ll call the cops. Living in a puddle of my own filth overlooking a scenic ravine seemed like a great way to spend my final days, but it turns out I can’t even afford that.

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Very Nice. How Much?

Very Nice. How Much?

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I found a translation of the lyrics if anyone is interested. They’re what you would expect:

Kazakhstan greatest country in the world, All other countries are run by little girls. Kazakhstan number one exporter of potassium, all other countries have inferior potassium. Kazakhstan home of Tinshein swimming pool, it’s length thirty meter and width six meter. Filtration system a marvel to behold. It remove 83 percent of human solid waste. Kazakhstan, Kazakhstan you very nice place, From Plains of Tarashek to northern fence of Jewtown!

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