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Category: wtf

KILL IT BEFORE IT LAYS EGGS

KILL IT BEFORE IT LAYS EGGS

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Oh dear god, stop that. Stop that right this instant! No more of this, I beg of you. I can handle snakes, spiders, crocodiles, sharks, sea snakes, scorpions, tarantulas, and anything else that you crazy Ozzies can sling at me, but please, make this stop. If I found this in my house, I would burn my house to the ground with my family still inside. It wold be worth it to get rid of that monstrosity. It’s the only insect I know of that you can kill with a rifle. That’s not a good thing. When something is large enough to shoot, it’s large enough to haunt my nightmares forever.

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We Are The Silly Name Preservation Society

We Are The Silly Name Preservation Society

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Ah yes, the rolling hills of Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch. I can’t think of a more peaceful area. When I was commissioner of the Silly Name Preservation Society, Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch was one of my favorite places to visit. When I wasn’t greeting dignitaries from Bangkok, Middelfart, and Crapstone, I would spend all of my time thinking about the soft pastures of Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch .

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Coyote Peterson: Honorary Australian

Coyote Peterson: Honorary Australian

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Way out West there was this fella — fella I wanna tell ya about. Fella by the name of Coyote. At least that was the handle his loving parents gave him, but he never had much use for it himself. Coyote, he called himself Coyote. Now, Coyote — he didn’t make a whole lot of sense. And a lot about where he lived, likewise.

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It’s Their World, We’re Just Living In It

It’s Their World, We’re Just Living In It

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Onward and upward! Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more. Let your freak flag fly! Let it shine like a beacon as you parade down the terraces of whatever fair city you happen to be terrorizing. Don’t stop for anyone or any thing. Keep marching. Even if the entire city is on fire: you keep going. Don’t let any man, woman, child, government, or armed militia stand in your way. When the going gets rough, you keep going. And send me postcards whenever you raze somewhere interesting.

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