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Category: winter

You Got, Like, Three Feet Of Frosty Air On That One

You Got, Like, Three Feet Of Frosty Air On That One


I see Globalistical Warmening is marching across the North American continent again this week. You haven’t lived until you’ve had to shovel twenty-four inches of heat. It’s interesting that really hot snow weighs the same and looks the same as the really cold snow we used to get back before incandescent lightbulbs and shitting indoors ruined the troposphere, or the ionosphere, or the globoclimatoanthropopristinosphere, or whatever it is we’ve mucked up. Don’t blame me. Back in the day, I read all my porno mags and comic books with a flashlight under my sheets at night, which emits almost no waste heat.

It does a heart good to see young fellers treating all the extra Globalistical Warmening with the respect and affection it deserves. You take that hippie bus over a jump, risking your friend’s life, lying in the ditch for no reason, all the while wearing Liberace’s idea of a Road Warrior outfit. The whole operation was pointless and stupid, and that’s the way we like it.

Minnesota: Where Canadians Fear To Tread

Minnesota: Where Canadians Fear To Tread

Frosty.

Braving the environment is much more notable than the drivel we normally gawk at here on the BSBFB. BASE jumping and parkour are both alright, I guess. If you weren’t feeling all too adventurous, you could simply break your kneecaps from the comfort of your own kitchen. It would give you the same effect as regular parkour, most people just choose to do it outside so they don’t make a mess of the linoleum. Once you throw Mother Nature into the mix everything gets much more complicated.

Chipping the ice off your face every morning should be an indicator that you’re snoozing where no man should tread — but that’s the point. People are capable of performing enormous feats simply because they feel like it. Sleeping outdoors in the dead of winter in a hammock, for giggles, is no exception. What this guy is doing makes Arctic exploration look passé.

Refreshingly, the fellow in the video seems like a real stand up guy. There’s no salty language, and he has a smile on his face the whole time. A lot can be said about that. He’s also the only person I’ve ever heard refer to -20 degrees Fahrenheit as “balmy”. Then say, “I don’t think this frostbite is going to slow me down from eating this apple fritter.”

A little frostbite never hurt anyone. Dad says it builds character.

[A big Borderline Sociopathic thank you to Leon for reading, commenting, and supplying us with this video]

Remember That Time Your Mother Asked If Your Friends Jumped Off A Cliff…

Remember That Time Your Mother Asked If Your Friends Jumped Off A Cliff…


Oh, if you’re like me, you remember it like it was yesterday: Just because your friends are doing it doesn’t mean you have to do it. I suppose if your friends jumped off a cliff, you would, too.

Well, apparently the old girl was on to something. Here we see the whole, sorry peer pressure thing played out in the skiing milieu. Just because there’s a trail left in the snow from some other skiier doesn’t mean that you should follow it. For all you know, it was Sonny Bono skiing with a Kennedy cousin.

Oh, and by the way: remember that funny face you made in the fourth grade? Your mom was right, it’s stuck that way now.

I Can Proudly State That I Have No Idea What’s Going On

I Can Proudly State That I Have No Idea What’s Going On


It’s not that I don’t know where Uzbekistan is. It’s just that I don’t care where Uzbekistan is. It’s over there near Trashcanistan and Beheadistan and Gasflareistan somewhere. Honestly, who gives a crap?

But even though I don’t know what’s going on, and for all I know the unintelligible lyrics in the soundtrack are about microwaving kittens or drinking latex paint or throwing puppies into volcanoes or something, I do know I’m up for a trip to wherever that is. Sign me up. Let’s go. Time’s wastin’. I’m packing right now.