I see Globalistical Warmening is marching across the North American continent again this week. You haven’t lived until you’ve had to shovel twenty-four inches of heat. It’s interesting that really hot snow weighs the same and looks the same as the really cold snow we used to get back before incandescent lightbulbs and shitting indoors ruined the troposphere, or the ionosphere, or the globoclimatoanthropopristinosphere, or whatever it is we’ve mucked up. Don’t blame me. Back in the day, I read all my porno mags and comic books with a flashlight under my sheets at night, which emits almost no waste heat.

It does a heart good to see young fellers treating all the extra Globalistical Warmening with the respect and affection it deserves. You take that hippie bus over a jump, risking your friend’s life, lying in the ditch for no reason, all the while wearing Liberace’s idea of a Road Warrior outfit. The whole operation was pointless and stupid, and that’s the way we like it.