The British are a very peculiar people. From what I can tell, they cannot eat a meal unless it comes in pie-form. They have meat pies, fish pies, pie pies, and every other kind of pie you can imagine. The pies are almost always coated in a heavy sauce of some sort, which is another essential part of a British meal. I don’t know how it all tastes when mashed together, but it looks like it will sit like a brick in your lower intestines for the next three months.
Hello is always a fair place to start. “Give me your purse!” and “Would you like to see my knife collection?” rarely work for me, so I would advise sticking with something simpler. Even hi will work. If you’d like something less formal, grunt a few times. I’ve never tried it, but it will probably work. Girls are into that kind of thing — I think.
Cars intrigue me. Their shape, size, and power don’t really matter to me; I just think they’re interesting concepts. Horseless carriages. A single person can go anywhere with a paved road and enough gasoline. It’s freedom to travel, up to a point. You can go anywhere, anytime, as long as you have enough cash laying around to fill the tank. It’s getting harder and harder to find enough loose cash for that sort of thing. I can’t tell if I’m going broke or if gas is getting pricy.
Jeremy Clarkson is a British institution. In my humble opinion, he’s on the same level as the Queen and Jack the Ripper. He’s as important to British culture as fish and chips and the Union Jack. The only English TV personality that even comes close to him is Stephen Fry, but he is a bit too posh for our tastes. And he drives around in a London taxi instead of a Maserati, so there’s that too.
Mr. Clarkson is the exact type of man-child that we appreciate over here at the BSBFB headquarters. He’s reckless, bold, brash, and painfully unhip. He dresses like your dad if your dad was completely blind and mildly demented. He likes loud, fast cars, explosions, and loud, fast women. He’s living the life we all would if we could, and it’s great fun to watch. I don’t know if I’d call him a hero, but he’s pretty darn close.
If the English had any sense they’d erect big brass statues of Jeremy Clarkson all over the countryside to honor his achievements. Hosting Top Gear for a million-and-a-half years has got to be worth a medal or two at the very least. He’s one of the greatest TV presenters — in the world.