While I definitely appreciate three-thousand years of beautiful tradition, from Apollo to Jack Churchill, I’m still hesitant to continue living in the past. Being an archer looks like too much work. I’m too lazy to shoot a regular gun; what makes anyone think that I’d want to use a bow and arrow? I’m so lazy I’d hire other people to go out and shoot for me, if I could. Unfortunately, I don’t have the money, and hiring mercenaries to go to the shooting range for you is a lot more expensive than you’d think. Of course, they go to the shooting range on their own time, but I pay them to chant my name while they do it. I can’t hear them, because I can’t be bothered to go to the range, but it’s nice to know that somewhere, someone is psychotically chanting your name. This is probably how Leonidas felt, without having to put up with the drafty wardrobe.
Regardless of my views on archery, I will admit that Lars Andersen is the best archer I have ever seen. Since the Intertunnel has a sick fetish for archer videos, I have seen a lot of archers in my day. I’m not the president of the archery fan club, but I’m at least on the board of directors. I go to all the meetings. Until that elfy-looking fellow from Lord of the Hunger Games steps up his game and starts shooting down military jets, I think Lars Andersen is definitely the best archer on the Intertunnel.
You know, I wanna shoot everything in slow motion. I’ve seen movies. When a bad guy starts spraying and praying, you see those rounds coming downrange and just bend over backwards and they fly right past your face. Easy peasy. Then you totally kick his ass. Totally. In slow motion, of course. Slow motion seems to make everything possible. …
Clickbait is such a fun word, it almost feels dirty, but in my heart I know that it’s a necessary evil. I’d much rather have people read my drivel than waste their time on an inferior site, so it’s important to reel them in at any cost. I feel like the Pied Piper of Hamelin — minus the whole child killing thing. The point is that I have to use my wicked ways to attract viewers, or this site drops in readership faster than Bill Clinton drops his trousers at an intern convention.
Err — I mean, here’s five ways to figure out if you like guns:
1) You like guns
2) You also like other types of guns along with your standard selection of guns
3) You’re interested in guns and gun accessories
4) You like to gun gun while you gun gun gun so you can gun more guns, gun
5) You own a firearm and actively practice shooting at a designated range because you enjoy shooting and other related activities
Now that you’ve read the top five ways to figure if you like guns, you can finally take a good, hard look at your extensive rifle collection and decide if that’s really something that you’re into. If none of these apply to you then maybe it’s about time you take up knitting or collecting decorative doilies. No need to thank me — I’m just doing my job, so you don’t have to.
Gun-toting plumbers from Louisiana make the best YouTube videos. Actually, he looks like more of an electrician; I can see it in his eyes. Tradesmen make the deadliest warriors because they want to kill everyone on the job almost as much as postmen do.
I can appreciate his dedication to playing it fast and loose, but I don’t know if there’s any practical application for most of these activities. If you’re ever in a situation where you’re blindfolded and you need to get six rounds downrange in under a second, maybe you should consider playing pin the tail on the donkey in a nicer neighborhood, so you don’t have to resort to blowing the heads off half a dozen party-goers at the drop of a hat. That seems to be the only situation where that exercise would be applicable, and it can be easily avoided.