The piano is a very interesting instrument. Not because it’s a horizontal harp covered in felt hammers, laying in a giant, 400-lb sarcophagus — that’s merely incidental. The piano is interesting because it’s makes more noise, and generate more music, than any other instrument without being a major nuisance.
Way out East there was this fella — fella I wanna tell ya about. Fella by the name of Xavi Lozano. At least that was the handle his loving parents gave him, but he never had much use for it himself. Xavi Lozano, he called himself Xavi Lozano. Now, Xavi Lozano— he didn’t make a whole lot of sense. And a lot about where he lived, likewise.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JLiirvlPVx0
This is the most metal thing I’ve seen all day, and I spent most of today staring at a sheet of corrugated aluminum. I think they’ll need to invent a new genre of metal to contain this dude’s awesomeness. After this guy hits it big, they’ll dedicate a whole new section of the periodic table of elements to his brand new, radical metal vibes.
My name is Yuja Wang and if you study with my eight-week program you will learn a system of destroying the piano that I developed over two seasons of rocking out in my Mom’s basement. It’s called Yuja Wang Do! After one week with me in my eight-week program, you’ll be prepared to play literally anything with the strength of a grizzly, the reflexes of a puma, and the wisdom of a Chinese woman.