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Russia: Now Funkier Than A Polonium Enema

Russia: Now Funkier Than A Polonium Enema


Disbanded Parliament Funkadelic, tovarisch. He causes the Caucases to do the Cakewalk. I count forty-six oblasts having an Oh! blast. Shirtless Putin’s Polka lays on the dynamite like Napoleon. The Urals Shag and the Arals Salsa. Chernobyl was just a sparkler compared to his disco ball. Herds of miniature giraffes do the Funky Chicken in his yard. He’s bad, he’s nationwide. Criminy, the Crimean is doing the Cat Daddy to the sound of his pan flute.

He can’t be reasoned with. He can’t be bargained with. And he absolutely will not stop until you surrender to his one nation under a groove, or expect a blast from his bop gun. Ugh.

He’s Not Handicapped. He’s Just Different: Dean Zimmer, The Borderline Sociopathic Boy

He’s Not Handicapped. He’s Just Different: Dean Zimmer, The Borderline Sociopathic Boy


You could freak out because your phone runs out of charge while you’re texting. You could pop another Xanax because you got passed over for a promotion, even though you slacked every day at work and you know it. You could ride your bicycle, but it’s over 72 degrees. Too hot. You could circle the parking lot over and over until a space opens up out front –of the gym. You could let the call go to voicemail because you know it’s your best friend calling, and he’s moving today and he lives in a third-floor walkup.

You could, or you could be like Dean Zimmer.

That Piano And That Guy’s Fourth Lumbar Vertebra Both Need A Little Tuning Up

That Piano And That Guy’s Fourth Lumbar Vertebra Both Need A Little Tuning Up


I wonder what this guy’s resume looks like. It would be pretty hard to work this sort of thing into your CV when applying for a job. I imagine you just sound like someone that says Morgan Fairchild is your wife. The old hag in HR isn’t going to have a couple of pianos in the conference room, so she’d can’t give you the piano-moving equivalent of a typing test. Maybe they figure the guy that tells the biggest whopper will be the most fun, and hire him on that basis. Then he does it, and they have to tell him to get back to work, and stop goofing off all the time.

(Thanks to Charles Schneider for sending that one along. I’ve heard he can move Hammond Organs with a Calliope on his back)

In Today’s Episode Of Inadvisable Ideas, We Finally Learn What Happened To Spinal Tap’s Drummers

In Today’s Episode Of Inadvisable Ideas, We Finally Learn What Happened To Spinal Tap’s Drummers


Good news, everyone! Videos like these demonstrate why the Social Security Trust Fund is no longer in danger of running out of money, because there’s no way in hell that the next generation will live to collect it. Half of them will die of diabetes and heart attacks before they’re forty from doing nothing but watching YouTube videos all day while eating nothing but Beefaroni from the can, Pringles, and washing it down with Mountain Dew; and the other half will be burned to death while making YouTube videos for the first half to watch.

(Thanks to Gerard at American Digest for sending that one along. The BSBFB is grateful that he turned down the gig as Spinal Tap’s drummer back in the eighties to concentrate on his career as a Salvation Army musical director)