Disbanded Parliament Funkadelic, tovarisch. He causes the Caucases to do the Cakewalk. I count forty-six oblasts having an Oh! blast. Shirtless Putin’s Polka lays on the dynamite like Napoleon. The Urals Shag and the Arals Salsa. Chernobyl was just a sparkler compared to his disco ball. Herds of miniature giraffes do the Funky Chicken in his yard. He’s bad, he’s nationwide. Criminy, the Crimean is doing the Cat Daddy to the sound of his pan flute.

He can’t be reasoned with. He can’t be bargained with. And he absolutely will not stop until you surrender to his one nation under a groove, or expect a blast from his bop gun. Ugh.