Browsed by
Category: music?

There Was An Attempt

There Was An Attempt

I would like to point out that he did indeed try his best, he gave 110 percent, and he left it all out there for everyone to see — but we live in the real world where leaving it all out there for everyone to see just gets you put on a list that says you can’t go within 100 yards of a school or Chuck E. Cheese’s.

Having to go door to door telling everyone you’re a pederast doesn’t sound very appealing to me, which is why I never put any effort into anything. It’s the only way to get anywhere in life. Let everyone else get branded as a todger-toucher while you sit back, relax, and reap the rewards of your unwillingness to do anything worthwhile — It’s a lot like being a politician.

Please, For The Love Of God, Stop Hitting It, Joe

Please, For The Love Of God, Stop Hitting It, Joe

Look Joe, I’m sure you’re a nice guy and you mean well, but people in other time zones are trying to get some sleep and they can hear you all the way from Shanghai, so give it a break for a minute. If you don’t, I’m afraid you won’t be hitting it; it will be hitting you. And by it, I mean me, because I’m going to start beating you with a sock full of quarters if you don’t quiet down.

Now I don’t want to be the bad guy Joe, so if you stop now I’ll let you go home to your tub of peanut butter and fluff while I torch your instruments and throw the ashes into the sea where they won’t hurt anyone anymore. After I’m done with that I’m flying to Austria, so I can wipe that dirty grin off Franzl Lang’s smug face. He won’t be so damn happy after I give him a taste of his own bratwurst.

I, For One, Welcome Our New Robot Santa Overlords

I, For One, Welcome Our New Robot Santa Overlords

I noticed a disturbing lack of Christmas cheer over here on the old BSBFB, so I thought I’d spice things up with a nice interstellar Christmas carol. It’s no White Christmas, but it’ll have to do for now. Bing Crosby hasn’t been returning my calls for about 40 years, so I had to move on and find something to take his place.

While Chiron Beta Prime sounds about as cheerful as a syphilitic orphan, the whole Christmasy-type message is still there — I think. I don’t know, he mentioned Christmas during the beginning, and then I started watching something else, so I really couldn’t tell you even if I wanted to. It’s not my fault I have the attention span of a goldfish with ADHD. I blame it on years of high-speed Intertunnel access, and a lack of reading or writing anything that’s longer than 150 words.

Err — I mean, merry almost Christmas.

Kids These Days And Their Vidya Games And Their Rock And Roll Devil Music

Kids These Days And Their Vidya Games And Their Rock And Roll Devil Music

I’m very pleased to present the latest masterwork by the one and only Stamford Waffles. Lovingly crafted on a shoestring budget of three gummy bears and a single can of Pepsi, The Simpsons Split and Run is by far his finest work. Look at the detail in each shot. You won’t see anything like this on the big screen. Stanley Kubrick, eat your heart out.

I still have trouble fathoming the awesomeness of the soundtrack. Stayin In Black is so utterly hip it’s going to need a hip replacement to handle its own hipness. If it got any cooler it would cause another ice age. It’s so sweet you’ll get diabetes if you listen to it for too long.

They’re staying alive, man, what more could you ask for?