That’s right folks, there’s close to 28 minutes of this. I think I can safely make fun of this without the fear of any backlash from the musical community. I’ve been told that beauty is in the eye of the beholder and all art is subjective, but come on, fellas. You can do better than this. I feel like a million angry bees are trying to burrow into my brain as my alarm clock eats me alive while the entire world disintegrates. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, but can you tone it down a little? You’re at about a ten — I need you at a four. You fellas make Philip Glass look like Ke$ha.
If you don’t like King Khan and BBQ Show, you’re wrong and we can’t be friends anymore. I’m serious. Take it on the road, fella. Granted, they are a little rough around the edges, but their image is flawless. I’m not sure what their image is, but I’ll figure it out eventually. They’re sort of intergalactic male strippers who’ve put on a little weight, and channeled the spirit of a pissed off Buddy Holly on PCP. I say that like it’s a bad thing, but it’s the best thing. This song is what I’d refer to as a screamer, because it makes you want to scream along. Not sing the words exactly, but it makes you want to scream something.
It may surprise many of you, but I fancy myself as somewhat of a musician. I used to play with some people here and there, but my career was relatively short compared to most musicians; I stopped before it was too late. I look back on my sweaty, musical days very fondly. I met a lot of great people, and played at a lot of interesting gigs, but one show stands out in my mind above the rest.
Back in my day we used our computers for computing, and our floppy disks for floppying. Now that I think of it, I’m not sure I’ve ever used a floppy disk. I’m about a generation too late for a floppy disk to be useful, but I remember having them around. I think I used them as coasters, or something.
All I remember from those days is that everything was exceptionally noisy. Booting up your computer sounded like you were jump-starting an aircraft carrier, and connecting to the Intertunnel was about as quiet as a ten-car pileup. Technology wasn’t that subtle, and I liked it better that way. Now you can never tell if something’s working, because you don’t hear any loud grinding or whirring. You needed ear protection if you wanted to operate a computer for more than a few minutes.
They don’t make computers like they used to. Nowadays, you can use a laptop that doesn’t make any noise at all, except for when the battery explodes and sets your house on fire. I much preferred it when a computer was the size of a Frigidaire, and belched out huge plumes of smoke every time you entered a line of code.
Call me old fashioned, but I really can’t be the only person who prefers the woefully inefficient to the new and spiffy. Someone out there must prefer being around something that’s loud, smelly, and poorly designed — it’s the only way I’ll ever get a girlfriend.