It can be any car you want it to be? Even an imaginary car? How about a car with windshield washers that don’t spray over the roof? How about a car that doesn’t need $450 to replace a headlight bulb? How about a car that won’t let your girlfriend change the side mirror settings to “hammerhead shark vision?” How about a car that can hold more than one body in the trunk?
Um, on that last one, I’m asking for a friend.
Actresses aren’t the only things in Hollywood that are made mostly from silicone these days. Here’s the straight skinny on how to make realistic movie-type props from foam.
This time it’s personal.
If your movie ad doesn’t start with a gravelly voiced man saying “In a world where…”, then I don’t want to see it.
Even if it’s a children’s movie or a rom-com, it needs to strictly adhere to the format. I don’t care if it’s starring the damn Care Bears. Hollywood has lost the knack. We need to band together to get the movie industry back on track. No more lame, tame, safe movies with timid trailers. I want hard hitting trailers, about hardcore movies, overdubbed by chain-smokers.
Sorry for the mix-up, I have Star Trek on the brain at the moment.
Citizen Kane is all well and good, but I don’t think anything can compare to the entertainment I derive from watching old Star Trek. William Shatner’s acting, mixed with ludicrous writing just gives me the giggles. I’m not trying to compare the merits of one of the greatest films of all time with one of the greatest — er, well, alrightest TV shows of all time. Even alrightest is a bit of a stretch. More like, the most somewhat watchable shows of all time. I’m not trying to compare the two, because that would be silly.
What I’m trying to do is stress that Star Trek is inherently superior. Not because of the acting, or the filmography, or the special effects, or the production values, because we all know Star Trek hasn’t got any of those. What Star Trek has is charm — and it’s wonderfully terrible. It’s like your toddler’s drawings: they aren’t Monet, but no one is expecting them to be. It’s so bad it’s good. Star Trek is borderline unwatchable, but that makes it immensely compelling. It’s like a wonderful technicolor train wreck. Citizen Kane is simply a really good movie. Really good movies are great if you’re an android who has no concept of fun. For the rest of us, there’s Star Trek.
Come on — at the end of the day you’re always going to pick Captain Kirk fighting a Gorn in a spangly leotard over Orson Welles and his sled fetish.