There’s nothing wrong with giving your significant other little reminders about their personal hygiene. I’m not saying you should do anything drastic like waterboarding them with mouth wash until they agree to brush at least once a day, because I’m at least 50 percent sure that’s illegal in a few states. Tell them they’re a disgusting pig some other way that results in less screaming and crying.
I guess no matter what there’s going to be some degree of screaming and crying, which is why you need to be clever. Make her think that it’s her idea, and you might be able to get away with it. Otherwise you’ll be sleeping on the couch for the next century.
It’s Like Thomas the Tank Engine, But For Grown Ups
Have you got any rat poison? What sort? What’s it made of, what’s it do, why do they die? I mean, could it kill a pet? A rather large pet? A sort of, almost, person-sized pet. What would it do, to say, a 50-year-old woman? Would it dissolve her stomach and make her lungs bleed until she drowned? Could it be detected in casserole? What would it do to the face? Would it be hideously contorted? What would it do to this face? …
I have a really big problem, because I like talking to telemarketers and customer service. I like to give them a call every once in a while to see what’s up with them. I ask about their family, kids, etc. Usually they ask me to stop calling, and say something about contacting the police, but I ignore about 99 percent of what people say to me anyways.
I’d say that my most frequent encounters with customer service happen when I have to call my insurance company to file a claim. It happens a lot more often than you’d imagine, and I’m sure you can imagine it happening a lot.