Move over, sliced bread. Internal combustion engine? Pffffft. Child’s play. Moon landings? Baby steps. This invention, whatever it’s called, is undoubtedly the most brilliant device of the 21st century, and most likely several portions of the 22nd. If I could afford one, I’d use it all the time. I’d find reasons to squirt ketchup on counters. I’d devise strategies for mustarding flat surfaces everywhere. I’d make up more reasons to scoop up condiments than an iPhone user looking for apps to try to keep their phones amused. At home, in the car, at the office, you name it. I told all my friends about this magical device. They generally say to me, “Why not stop squirting condiments all over everything instead?”
Sometimes there’s a man — I won’t say a hero, because what’s a hero? But sometimes there’s a man, and I’m talking about Morishowta here. Sometimes there’s a man, well, he’s the man for his time and place. He fits right in there. And that’s Morishowta in Japan. And even if he’s a strange man — and Morishowta was most certainly that. Quite possibly the strangest in Japan, which would place him high in the running for strangest worldwide. But sometimes there’s a man. Sometimes there’s a man…
Aw. I lost my train of thought here. But — aw, hell. I’ve done introduced him enough.
I’m not sure what I was expecting. The video was clearly marked “commercial from Japan.” They’re lovely people in general, but they’re wired tighter than a banjo string. But wonder Core commercials take the tentacle cake, I tell you what. I’ve been to 3 World’s Fairs and goat rodeo and I ain’t ever seen anything like that. But admit it. If it was 3 AM and you were home alone and drunk, you’d buy one on the home shopping network.
I like this guy, he really seems like he knows what he’s talking about. I doubt he does know what he’s talking about. Few people do. But if you’re going to be wrong, be wrong at the top of your voice. Having confidence is like having good manners. If you don’t have good manners, pretend that you do. It ends up being the same thing. Fake confidence works about the same as real confidence, too.
In any case, his message rings true: nivagivup! It’s important to remember that no matter how bad things seem, they could always be worse. You could, for instance, be waist deep in frigid water yelling encouragement to no one in particular.