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Category: honorary borderline sociopaths

You Got Like Three Feet Of Air That Time

You Got Like Three Feet Of Air That Time

Man, his mom’s gonna be pissed. I’m sure there used to be a nice patch of something right where he’s riding. It took her years to grow that crabgrass; nevertheless, our Portuguese-spewing friends have the right idea. Horticulture can’t hold a candle to 150cc of rope swinging action.

Dressed in his finest gym shorts and flip flops the newest honorary borderline sociopath soldiers on in the fight against gravity. The only way he could get any cooler is if his pornstache was also riding a dirt bike.

[Many thanks to the indispensable Charles Schneider for sending this one along]

Like Many Borderline Sociopathic Boys, He Doesn’t Think His Cunning Plan All The Way Through

Like Many Borderline Sociopathic Boys, He Doesn’t Think His Cunning Plan All The Way Through

Oh, we have cunning plans, don’t we? We hearty few, we Borderline Sociopathic Boys, we do get up to things.

Remember our cunning plan to power our entire house by stealing electricity from the landline phone? That was a good one. Our probation for that one will be over soon, and the ankle bracelet doesn’t itch all that badly anymore. How about that jumbotron wedding proposal to a girl on a first date? That one should have worked, I tell you. Probably would have, too, if it wasn’t a blind first date. We can’t be expected to think of everything, can we?

Hold my beer and watch this isn’t a sentence, it’s a way of life. We have schemes and ideas, goals and angles for every situation. But somehow the bucket ends up on us, every time. It’s OK, though; I hear chicks dig scars.

Milestones Are Important Because They Remind Us No Matter How Far We’ve Come We Will Never Convert To The Metric System

Milestones Are Important Because They Remind Us No Matter How Far We’ve Come We Will Never Convert To The Metric System


You know, when life gives you lemons, I say give life the finger, throw away the lemons, and buy beer.  So does Zach Anner.

I find people like Zach inspirational. Zach’s walk in the park wasn’t any sort of walk in the park for him, but somehow he managed to make us all laugh a bit while he was doing it. Neil Armstrong walked on the moon, and he didn’t know any jokes. He was next to useless, honestly. But Zach is an excellent reminder that life is what you make of it.

For God’s Sake, I’m Warning You, Mute The Video Before You Watch It

For God’s Sake, I’m Warning You, Mute The Video Before You Watch It


The Borderline Sociopathic Boy stays cool under pressure.

You’re in a bad situation. Very bad situation. But you don’t want to make things worse for yourself, do you? No, so you keep cool. You hang in there. You do what a man’s got to do. You wait until the last second, then you do what you have to do with no hesitation. 

If you can keep your head when all about you   
    Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,   
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
    But make allowance for their doubting too;   
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
    Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,
    And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;   
    If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim;   
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
    And treat those two impostors just the same;   
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
    Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
    And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
    And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
    And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
    To serve your turn long after they are gone,   
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
    Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,   
    Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
    If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
    With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,   
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,   
    And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!

Or you can just stand there and say OH MY GOD over and over again. That might work out, too.

[Thanks to reader and commenter Leon for sending that one along]