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Category: honest work

Good Thing They Plugged It In; Otherwise It Wouldn’t Have Worked

Good Thing They Plugged It In; Otherwise It Wouldn’t Have Worked

Old Jake had cut firewood by hand with a swede saw for a living going on 50 years. He averaged about four cords a day. His son was home from college and watching him work remarked, “You could probably cut 10 times as much if you bought yourself a chainsaw.”

“Not interested in those new-fangled things,” Jake responded.

His son returned to college and Jake began to think that maybe the young guy was right; his old body seemed to ache more and more at the end of the day. So he went into town and bought a brand new top-of-the-line chainsaw.

The first couple days were not very productive–he only cut one cord each day. By the third day he had cut 3 cords but was dead tired. “This is not working,” he thought to himself, “My son said I would be able to cut 40 cords a day. I’m taking this stupid thing back.”

The next day he was in the hardware store complaining to the sales clerk about his chainsaw. “Blade seems a little dull, but not that bad. Let’s start it up,” the clerk muttered as he pulled the starting cord.

“What the hell is that noise?” Jake hollered.

I Was Built For Loving You — And Jenga

I Was Built For Loving You — And Jenga

The sign in the background says built for it; that sends quite a confusing message. Do they mean their machinery was built for Jenga? Building these machines for the sole purpose of playing oversized Jenga seems a bit silly. I mean, they’re really limiting their audience. The people at Cat® need to think big. Those machines can be used for much much more than just parlor tricks. What about off-road racing, or carpooling? You can sure fit a lot of people in the scoop of a front end loader. Why not roll up to the office in the style and luxury provided by your brand new Cat®?

I guess this ad can only appeal to a certain niche audience. The sort of people who play hopscotch with jump jets, and Battleship with real battleships. It’s not my place to judge, but I think they’re missing out. They’ll never know they joy of making pancakes with your single drum roller. The sweet wafting smell of diesel passing through your open cab as your cruise down the highway. Even something as simple as carrying your child to day care in an excavator bucket is lost on them.

Explore every possible use for your heavy machinery. The contraption with the mean looking spike could make a fair toothpick.

[Many thanks to Gerard at American Digest who was also built for it, among other thing]

These Are Surely The End Times When Even The Amish Are Vinyl Siding Their Houses

These Are Surely The End Times When Even The Amish Are Vinyl Siding Their Houses


I don’t know. I used to sort of depend on the Amish to stay the same way forevermore. Act as a barometer for the rest of us, or at least a compass. Remind us of the way things used to be, and still could be if we got in the Free Silver/Granger mood again. But now they’re making electric fireplaces to sell on Home Shopping Network. They’ve got reality shows, which proves they’re entering a world of unreality with the rest of us. There’s nothing less real than that. Well, except for vinyl siding. What’s next, Amish sex tapes?

Won’t those beards get in the way? The beards on the women, I mean.

Sometimes, There’s A Chelovek

Sometimes, There’s A Chelovek


I only mention it because sometimes there’s a chelovek– I won’t say a hero, because what’s a hero? But sometimes there’s a chelovek. And I’m talking about this Dude here — sometimes there’s a chelovek who, well, he’s the chelovek for his time and place. He fits right in there; and that’s this Dude, sitting in the cab of an excavator with a hammer attachment on the boom. And even if he’s a lazy chelovek — and this Dude was probably that, and lit on vodak, too; quite possibly the laziest in whatever oblast that is, which would place him high in the running for laziest worldwide — but sometimes there’s a chelovek. Sometimes there’s a chelovek…

Well, I lost my train of thought here. But — aw hell, I done introduced him enough. Let’s see what he can do with that bridge.

[Sometimes there’s a chelovek named  Жерар in Seattle that sends us stuff. Amerikanskiy Daydzhest]