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Category: honest work

You Know The Germans Always Make Good Stuff

You Know The Germans Always Make Good Stuff


I don’t know what they’re making, but I’m all for it. Even if they’re just melting down scrap, it still looks pretty cool, and looking cool is the most important part. If you’re going to do something, you might as well look good while doing it. It doesn’t matter if you’re doing it correctly or even competently, just look at Italian cars or French movies. I know for a fact that they have everything backwards and wrong, but they’re so chronically cool it doesn’t seem to matter.

The visually pleasing aesthetics of a foundry are undeniable, because it just looks so gosh darn interesting. The bright, molten metal thrown against a rough, industrial backdrop is enough to get any hot-blooded man in the mood. I’m sure that every kid would want a poster of a foundry on their wall instead of the same boring cars and bands as everyone else. It’s some intense stuff, man. If H.R. Giger and Enzo Ferrari designed a poster, this is what it would look like. It’s what a loading dock in Blade Runner would look like. It’s the final scene of Terminator Two, minus Arnold Schwarzenegger descending into a pool of molten metal.

The only way this could get cooler is if they started tossing virgins into the molten pit to appease their pagan gods. Primarily, the god of fire and brimstone, the god of foundry workers, and the god of looking freaking awesome.

How’s That Thousand-Year Reich Coming?

How’s That Thousand-Year Reich Coming?

I don’t speak German, but I’m entirely full of myself, so I’m absolutely sure I can translate what they’re saying. I heard one of them ask, “Are any delicious frankfurters involved?” and the other replied, “Yes, delicious frankfurters are only a kilometer away.” There’s no need to check if I’m right. If I’m wrong, it’s still better than the truth.

Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, we can truly appreciate the context of the video. A merry band of Germans had a quest to choke down wieners on their lunch break. It’s a lot more interesting than most of the trite garbage I post here. Many of the videos on this site don’t feature any sort of tubular pre-cooked meat-like products assembled from various PG-13, R, and X rated parts of animals that died before they could be sold to a vivisectionist. Videos without some form of luncheon meats or tubular pink slime delivery systems are inferior, and I know it. It’s a wonder that I haven’t been fired from this gig yet, what with all the time I spend down at the Citgo watching the hot dogs from 2009 slowly turn on the rollers over by the Red Bull display.  Then again, I’m in a blogger’s union, so the only person who can fire me now is Jesus himself. And as anyone knows that’s taken a long look at the Internet, God don’t enter into it.

Coincidentally, Communists And Quikrete Is The Name Of My Duran Duran Tribute Band

Coincidentally, Communists And Quikrete Is The Name Of My Duran Duran Tribute Band

(Warning: Some salty language in the soundtrack, but it’s all indecipherable for the most part. I’d mute it for the sake of your own sanity.)

It’s rather refreshing to see that the fellow working on the apartment was wearing close-toed shoes, long pants, and a long-sleeved shirt instead of flip-flops, culottes, and half a Slayer t-shirt. Call me old-fashioned, but I don’t believe in dressing like a Vietnamese serf when working on my house. Just because everyone on HGTV does demolition wearing nothing but a fig leaf and crocs, doesn’t mean you should too. Leave that behavior to the professionals who get paid enough to replace all the toes they cut off with robotic ones. It’s a little known fact that over 90 percent of all the renovation-TV-show hosts have robotic arms and legs because they keep cutting their limbs off. Norm Abram from Ask This Old House is more man than machine at this point.

At least renovation-TV-show hosts aren’t as bad as some of the other people on TV who have their entire body encased in silicone, so they can look like disturbing, fleshy, scarecrows for all eternity. I’d much rather be the Terminator than Pamela Anderson’s boobs. Err — actually, I might take that back. At least Pam’s boob gets to touch Pam’s other boob.

Something Went Wrong, But I Can’t Quite Put My Finger On What

Something Went Wrong, But I Can’t Quite Put My Finger On What

I feel like he’s missing a few steps. There seems to have been a big disconnect between lifting, carrying, and placing the pallet. About a five foot disconnect to be exact. Someone forgot that gravity exists and doesn’t look kindly on people misusing shipping dollies.

I’d say he got like three feet of air that time, but I know for a fact he got like eight feet of air if you count the height of the truck. He just took a high jump into a concrete slab, and he looked great doing it. I don’t know too many people who can take a hit like that and get up afterwards. Well — get up and stagger around a bit afterwards.