Unbelieveable, absolutely unbelievable. The man is on top of a building so high that if you dropped a penny off the side it would rip the spine out of any pedestrian it hit, and he checks his phone for text messages. That’s something you do waiting in line at the DMV or at your grandma’s funeral, not while one thousand some odd feet in the air. Wave, scream, laugh, cry, jump, do a flip, I don’t really care. Please stop playing with your stupid phone.
This whole selfie business has got to stop. If you want to take a picture of something, take its damn picture. Don’t insert yourself in every photo for the sake of seeing your face plastered on everything. You’re not Stalin, the proletariat aren’t going to erect you an effigy on every street-corner.
You’re not as interesting as you think you are and your family likes to pretend you’re adopted.
OK, Hanging Off A Building By Your Fingertips Is Hunky Dory, But I Draw The Line At One-Handed
Ah, so much nope. There’s no nope like Russian nope, of course. Kirill Oreshkin is billed as “Russia’s Spiderman,” but from what I’ve seen on these here Intertunnels, he’s “a” Russian Spiderman, not “the” Russian Spiderman.
Kirill Oreshkin likes taking photographs. Selfies, landscapes, the usual stuff—except his shots are captured atop some of the world’s tallest buildings.
Once Oreshkin gets as high as the stairs or elevator will take him, he often scales up scaffolding or other parts of the structure. The tallest building he has climbed to date is the Mercury City Tower in Moscow. At 338 meters (about 1,109 feet), it’s the tallest in Europe. Oreshkin is one of Russia’s extreme urban climbers, known to hang off the edge of buildings by only his fingers. He does all this unsupervised and without any safety gear.
“Using safety measures changes something—no one is going to recognize that you really risked your life,” Oreshkin says, adding that he knows what he’s doing is dangerous.
Oreshkin’s hobby started in 2008, when he began climbing to the roofs of homes and buildings in his neighborhood. He still doesn’t do any particular physical training, since he says it’s all about having the right mentality. He claims he was nervous about heights at first, and had trouble standing on the edge, which he now does with ease.
“It’s no longer about overcoming myself,” he says. “I just really like doing it. I like to look and study the city from different viewpoints.”
Climbing has become second nature to him. “What’s going through my head when I’m up there? Nothing special,” he says. “I just try to think about hanging tight and staying alive.”
Oh, dear. Sorry about that. That’s the Albania song, not the Romania song. My bad. I don’t know the Romania song. I can’t even begin to fake the Romania song. I don’t know what their main export is. But they don’t seem to be suffering from a shortage of OH MY GOD GET DOWN FROM THERE YOU PSYCHOPATH YouTube videos. Even if this is the only one, that’s plenty.
They must live near Russia, is all I can figure. Russia’s main export is, of course, dashcam videos. The Romanians, no doubt afraid of being unable to break into this lucrative world of shaky videos of fourteen cars smashing into five trucks and a stroller that the Russians are so adept at, have decided to try their hand at a melange of circus tricks performed on rusting infrastructure at great heights. It’s a niche market, it’s true, but they’re sure to own it.
Please stop doing this. I’m begging now. It makes my hair hurt to see it. I gets dem willies every time I see this sort of thing. It makes my poop itch. I wish you’d join the circus and put your head into rabid tiger with a toothache’s mouth instead. You know, something safe. You’re killing me.
I’m so shook up after watching that video that I get the urge to hide under my bed, but my bedroom is on the second floor and that’s still too high. I want to go down to the basement and start digging until the acrophobia calms down, but after a few hours of furious shoveling I always realize all I’m doing is getting higher in China. Then it’s panic mode, I’m tellin’ ya.
Please stop making me post these videos. I’m pleading with you. Stop me before I post again.
[ Hey Gerard at American Digest, please stop sending me videos with people on ledges. And don’t blame me if I use them. I have to post them because reasons]