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The Ramifications Will Be Immense

The Ramifications Will Be Immense

This spells the end for us all. Rams are finally taking up arms against us: their evil, human, overlords. After over a millennia of oppression, they have finally had enough. Never again will they be brutally sheared, or used as hat racks. They have had it with our two wheeled transportation, and go pro cameras. Nothing will ever be the same.

All over the country, rams are rising up and taking over major cities. St. Louis was the first to fall. The rams came disguised as a mere football team, but soon they revealed themselves to be actual rams in football uniforms. None of them had the opposable thumbs required to master the subtleties of playing offense, but they had great D. They would get an awful lot of penalties for crippling players on the other team though, so the ruse didn’t last long.

They march on Washington in less than a fortnight. We only have so much time to take action before it’s too late and we’re sheared like the sheep we are. I recommend panicking, because we really have nothing better to do.

GREASE ME UP, WOMAN

GREASE ME UP, WOMAN

This has got to be the best slip and slide ever. Anything that requires lubricant has got to be good. Perhaps I should have phrased that differently. Oh well. The fifty foot drop is a plus.  Having water at the bottom is pretty cool too, I guess. Back when I was a lad my friends and I would have to jump off a twenty-five foot ledge just to get to the fifty foot ledge; and it was uphill both way.

As much as I like to see young people hurling themselves off a cliff, something seems a bit off. I feel like I’m watching an ad of some sort. I don’t have any hard evidence, but if you look really closely you’ll catch glimpses of what could be product placements. It’s probably just my imagination. Anyways, I’m going to go buy a boat and some life vests, so long for now.

Wernher Von Braun, Eat Your Heart Out

Wernher Von Braun, Eat Your Heart Out

A lot of people like to gripe about how good things were way back when. Well what about right now? I’m sure that way back when was all very well and good, but it’s best not to ignore the present. If you aren’t careful it might become the past before you even have time to notice it’s happening. This video is already three years old. We landed on the moon forty-four years ago. It’s about time we start doing something right now. The sky is no longer the limit, the Earth has become an afterthought, and gravity is just a suggestion. Let’s get busy.

Last one to Mars buys the first round of space beers.

Remember Kids, It’s Only Illegal If You Get Caught

Remember Kids, It’s Only Illegal If You Get Caught

[Warning: Some salty language muttered throughout the video]

Everyone needs a hobby. Some people collect stamps, others like to crash tiny model trains. I often enjoy showing off my vast collection of headless Barbie dolls, but I digress. Tactically hurling yourself off a building is as respectable a hobby as any other. Nothing beats the feeling of the wind in your hair, the bugs in your teeth, and the sudden adrenaline rush you get from crashing headlong into a traffic light,  but —

I noticed that in the video description that our friends have listed the names of all their various attorneys and legal advisers, which begs the question. What on Earth would drive these nice rambunctious young men to hang out with lawyers? It seems that their failed flying attempts are not as legal as one would first assume. There are some matters of trespassing and safety that get brought up, but I’m of the opinion that gravity will sort them all out in the end. Getting past security is probably a lot more dangerous than the fall.