This spells the end for us all. Rams are finally taking up arms against us: their evil, human, overlords. After over a millennia of oppression, they have finally had enough. Never again will they be brutally sheared, or used as hat racks. They have had it with our two wheeled transportation, and go pro cameras. Nothing will ever be the same.

All over the country, rams are rising up and taking over major cities. St. Louis was the first to fall. The rams came disguised as a mere football team, but soon they revealed themselves to be actual rams in football uniforms. None of them had the opposable thumbs required to master the subtleties of playing offense, but they had great D. They would get an awful lot of penalties for crippling players on the other team though, so the ruse didn’t last long.

They march on Washington in less than a fortnight. We only have so much time to take action before it’s too late and we’re sheared like the sheep we are. I recommend panicking, because we really have nothing better to do.