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Category: flying

Something Tells Me This Guy Can…

Something Tells Me This Guy Can…


…parallel park. Rub his stomach and pat his head simultaneously. I bet he can riffle shuffle like a croupier, and cut the cards one-handed. I bet he sinks the eight without scratching. Probably can go fly fishing without filling his waders with water. He can shoot thirty percent from the three-point line. I imagine he hits the waste basket with his wadded-up first-draft love letters every time. He can chip from the trap and get down in two. Betcha he plays on the All Madden setting. Betcha he doesn’t have to pay for drinks, but does anyway.

I bet that fire is shaking in its boots, right now.

(Thanks to Charles Schneider for sending that one along)

Submarines, Boats, Or Helicopters. Make. Up. Your. Minds

Submarines, Boats, Or Helicopters. Make. Up. Your. Minds

These fellows seem confused. They can kill you with a harsh word, probably, or maybe a dirty look. You’re an Intertunnel pansy, of course, so they don’t really even need weapons. But they do seem at sixes and sevens. They can’t decide if they want to be helicopter commandos or submarine badboys or boat badasses or what. I half expected them to park an F-16 in there behind the rubber boat, then shoot a rocket back out to cover all the bases.

Well, whatever they’re doing, I imagine the other fellows are dead already, so it doesn’t much matter.

As We’ve Often Said, It’s All Conversation Compared To The Military

As We’ve Often Said, It’s All Conversation Compared To The Military


Yes, yes, we love videos of dudes rollerskating down volcanoes. Snowboarding off cliffs. Sure, you can climb up the side of an apartment block and run across the roof like a lemur. That’s swell. You can sit on an airbag wearing a hockey helmet and undershorts as good as the next guy, it’s true. We adore it all, every last loose tooth and road rash. But compared to the military, it’s all conversation.

In Bizarro World, It’s Still WWII And The Swiss Air Force Is Strafing Mount Fuji

In Bizarro World, It’s Still WWII And The Swiss Air Force Is Strafing Mount Fuji


I never believed that “neutrality” stuff about the Swiss. There’s nothing neutral about them. They’re like a housecat. They may be neutered, but they ain’t neutral. They only pretend not to pay attention to you, but if you fall asleep on the couch, they start wacking on your nose. This is just like that, except it’s a Swiss dude with a jet pack instead of a cat, and he’ s flying past Mount Fuji instead of shredding all the toilet paper in the bathroom. Other than that, it’s identical.