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Category: Do you ever watch Kung Fu?

Jackie Chan Eat Your Heart Out

Jackie Chan Eat Your Heart Out

Y’know, this guy is on to something. I have a feeling this hand thing is gonna be big. I just know it. I mean, the Muppets were big, and they were technically hands. The “Hand Movies” will not only be great for action, but for other genres, too. You’re in the mood for a comedy? Go check out Tom Hands’s classic film The Hand with One Red Glove. It’s an absolute wrist-slapper. Or maybe you want something a little more dramatic. The Handmaiden’s Tale is definitely for you. There’s a ton of money in this I tell ya’!

Do You Want Karate?

Do You Want Karate?

Sweet bo staff skills. He seems a little riled up though. Maybe someone should go tell him to calm down. On second thought that doesn’t sound like a good idea. Someone, please go tell him that the judges are scared and they want to go home. They’ve also asked me to add “Please, we have families. For the love of God don’t hurt us.” But there’s no way I’m approaching our little manic friend after a performance like that.

The judges need to accept the facts.That bo staff kid is out there. He can’t be bargained with. He can’t be reasoned with. He doesn’t feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And he absolutely will not stop, ever, until you are dead — or you give him a participation award and a juice box.

Karate: The Dane Cook Of Martial Arts

Karate: The Dane Cook Of Martial Arts

Way out East there was this fella — fella I wanna tell ya about. Fella by the name of Karate Master. At least that was the handle his loving parents gave him, but he never had much use for it himself. Karate Master, he called himself Karate Master. Now, Karate Master — he didn’t make a whole lot of sense. And a lot about where he lived, likewise.

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My Money Is On The Invertebrate

My Money Is On The Invertebrate

Yoga: a silent, but deadly art form. Like a fart in the face of your enemy, yoga will mess that fella up.

Years of Kung fu training are no match for a man with an extremely bendy thumb. Then again, the sound of his joints cracking is enough to make a grown man wet himself. In the heat of combat that must be absolutely devastating. It’s almost as effective as taking a nail to a chalkboard, except you smack the guy with your super bendy arm afterwards.

The super bendy arm move is a great conversation starter. If you’re trying to chat someone up, tell them about your super bendy arm move. It always works for me.