I’m scared. If that computer can run seven copies of World of Warcraft: Warlords of Draenor, who knows what else it could be capable of. If they put in another terabyte of memory, it might become sentient. The last thing humanity needs right now is a sentient super-computer, loaded down with seven copies of World of Warcraft. That’s enough Warcraft to wipe out the Eastern Seaboard.
There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.
Back in my day we used our computers for computing, and our floppy disks for floppying. Now that I think of it, I’m not sure I’ve ever used a floppy disk. I’m about a generation too late for a floppy disk to be useful, but I remember having them around. I think I used them as coasters, or something.
All I remember from those days is that everything was exceptionally noisy. Booting up your computer sounded like you were jump-starting an aircraft carrier, and connecting to the Intertunnel was about as quiet as a ten-car pileup. Technology wasn’t that subtle, and I liked it better that way. Now you can never tell if something’s working, because you don’t hear any loud grinding or whirring. You needed ear protection if you wanted to operate a computer for more than a few minutes.
They don’t make computers like they used to. Nowadays, you can use a laptop that doesn’t make any noise at all, except for when the battery explodes and sets your house on fire. I much preferred it when a computer was the size of a Frigidaire, and belched out huge plumes of smoke every time you entered a line of code.
Call me old fashioned, but I really can’t be the only person who prefers the woefully inefficient to the new and spiffy. Someone out there must prefer being around something that’s loud, smelly, and poorly designed — it’s the only way I’ll ever get a girlfriend.
Did they even watch the movies? Jeesh, it’s like they’re begging to be enslaved by quadrupeds. I mean, look at that thing. It’s 50 percent indestructible future-metal, 50 percent Arnold Swartzenegger fever dream, and 100 percent terrifying. A few brave souls tried to knock it over, but it can’t be stopped. I imagine that they were eviscerated as soon as the cameras stopped rolling, because the T-K9000 has no time for dissidents.
I don’t think our little robot friend is capable of bringing on the end of the world as we know it, but it’s getting a bit too close for comfort. If I ever see one of these running down my street I’m going to shoot first, and shoot again later just to be sure. I don’t know what it would be doing on my street in the first place, which is even more of a reason to shoot it on sight. The darn thing is obviously up to no good.
As soon as someone figures out that you can mount laser cannons to this thing and use it as a robot attack dog humanity is finished. Spot many only be about 3 percent as vicious as the average pitbull, but a pitbull won’t silently stalk you for hours before killing you and stealing your clothes. It might only have a battery life of ten minutes, but don’t worry — Spot’s programmed to play Arnold saying “I’ll be back.” on a loop until he fully recharges.