Browsed by
Category: blows to the head

Why Can’t He Just Let Hulk Smash? All Hulk Wanted To Do Was Smash.

Why Can’t He Just Let Hulk Smash? All Hulk Wanted To Do Was Smash.

Superman is such a cheater.

Sorry, let me rephrase that. Superman is a big fat sissy cheater, a candy-assed momma’s boy, and he’s as boring as shop class is for girls.

Before you grab your Intertunnel pitchforks, let me explain. Superman flies. Whoopty. Amelia Earhart flew around, too. We all know how that turned out.  He’s buzzing around all day like a hummingbird or something, wearing his underwear on the outside, which is an appropriate look if you’re Madonna, I guess, but I like my superheroes a bit more on the masculine side. Don’t get me wrong, Madonna goes to the gym and can kick Aquaman’s ass, but Superman has “super” right in his name. He’s  got to be held to a higher standard, don’t you think?

He’s just a very lazily designed superhero. Superman can’t be destroyed by anything, and he has a list of superpowers that goes on for about ten years, and all he can do is help old ladies cross the road, and he can’t even get Lois Lane in the rack. Lame-O. I’ll bet Jimmy Olsen pulls more broads than Superman.

I like the Hulk. He seems like the kind of dude that could snake out your drain when it’s backed up. He’d take one end of your couch when you were moving. He’d pull the end off, but it’s the thought that counts. Hulk would have a barbecue and invite you over, and you’d stand around eating seared flesh, drinking beer, talking about chicks and breaking lawn chairs.

Superman would have Martha Stewart place settings and  put arugula on tofu burgers. Case closed. HULK SMASH!

Let’s All Enjoy Seeing The Rarest Of Things

Let’s All Enjoy Seeing The Rarest Of Things


What is the rarest of things, you ask? Well, an honest congressman is pretty rare. Rarer than Bigfoot, it’s true, but not the rarest thing. How about a polite toll booth operator in New Jersey? That’s pretty rare; but then again, who goes to New Jersey looking for polite conversation anywhere, never mind a toll booth. No, that’s not it, either. So, friendly pit bulls? Tall dwarves? Anorexic hippos? What, what is it, you ask.

It’s right there in the video. Someone that wants, needs, and deserves a real, good assbeating gets a real, good — literal –assbeating. It’s glorious.

Gravity Is A Harsh Mistress

Gravity Is A Harsh Mistress


But Fair. Cruel, but fair. But harsh. Fairly harsh. Only a little cruel, but entirely fair. Entirely fairly harshly cruel.

These gentlemen seem to have some sort of fundraising scheme afoot. They desire a folding money budget for their experiments. Perhaps they are going to flush themselves down a toilet, or shoot themselves in the face with a concrete pumper, or TIG weld their nipple earrings to a moving bus, or call an NFL defensive tackle fat, or drink paint, or maybe cure cancer.

As far as the curing cancer thing goes, I’d keep out of the sun and quit smoking, just in case it takes them awhile.

(Sent from the right man on the wrong coast, Gerard at American Digest, who stays out of the sun because there isn’t any)

Let’s Play: Kill The Volvo

Let’s Play: Kill The Volvo

OK, maybe not kill The Volvo. Maybe dent the Volvo. Perhaps badly scratch the Volvo. Hows about ruin the Blue Book value of the Volvo?

Stand back. We’re going to attempt to discommode the Volvo apparatus.