Why Can’t He Just Let Hulk Smash? All Hulk Wanted To Do Was Smash.

Why Can’t He Just Let Hulk Smash? All Hulk Wanted To Do Was Smash.

Superman is such a cheater.

Sorry, let me rephrase that. Superman is a big fat sissy cheater, a candy-assed momma’s boy, and he’s as boring as shop class is for girls.

Before you grab your Intertunnel pitchforks, let me explain. Superman flies. Whoopty. Amelia Earhart flew around, too. We all know how that turned out.  He’s buzzing around all day like a hummingbird or something, wearing his underwear on the outside, which is an appropriate look if you’re Madonna, I guess, but I like my superheroes a bit more on the masculine side. Don’t get me wrong, Madonna goes to the gym and can kick Aquaman’s ass, but Superman has “super” right in his name. He’s  got to be held to a higher standard, don’t you think?

He’s just a very lazily designed superhero. Superman can’t be destroyed by anything, and he has a list of superpowers that goes on for about ten years, and all he can do is help old ladies cross the road, and he can’t even get Lois Lane in the rack. Lame-O. I’ll bet Jimmy Olsen pulls more broads than Superman.

I like the Hulk. He seems like the kind of dude that could snake out your drain when it’s backed up. He’d take one end of your couch when you were moving. He’d pull the end off, but it’s the thought that counts. Hulk would have a barbecue and invite you over, and you’d stand around eating seared flesh, drinking beer, talking about chicks and breaking lawn chairs.

Superman would have Martha Stewart place settings and  put arugula on tofu burgers. Case closed. HULK SMASH!

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