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Category: australia

ROIGHT, BUNG ANOTHER DINGO ON THE BARBIE, MATE

ROIGHT, BUNG ANOTHER DINGO ON THE BARBIE, MATE

(Warning: some salty language)

I really wish he was speaking English, then we might be able to figure out what on Earth he’s doing. Whenever he opens his mouth a sea of incomprehensible drivel pours out and all I can understand is the occasional roight.

Again with the selfies, what’s wrong with you people? Although this one isn’t a selfie in my book it’s still a bit much. I didn’t know the selfie epidemic had already spread to Australia. I was planning on fleeing to the land down under if things got too bad here in the US, but now I have no idea where my last bastion will be. Maybe I can hide out in Madagascar until the next ice age, but I don’t think they’ll have me. They only seem to want anthropomorphic zoo animals over there anyways, but I don’t take it personally.

(Many thanks to Charles Schneider for sending this one or way)

You Don’t Know Pain

You Don’t Know Pain


I don’t know who Hamish and Andy are. They’re from Australia, I gather, where everything from goldfish to petunias will sting you, so I assumed they’d be a little more stoic about the whole thing. The one with the disco deficiency put on mittens full of bullet ants. I gather that little boys in that tribe do it to prove how tough they are, and they do it twenty times or so before they find a more salubrious hobby like mumblety peg or tickling caimans or something. And these two have the unmitigated gall to call this the worst pain known to man? Pfft.

Please. They’ve obviously never filled out a Schedule C at midnight on April 14th. Try swimming at Old Orchard Beach in Maine in May. Go on, I double dog dare you. Don’t they have Catholic schools in Australia? Stick out your hands for a nun holding a metal edge ruler and get back to me.

For cripes sake, these tribesmen have never even heard of Bucky Dent. They don’t know pain.

[Thanks to Gerard at American Digest for sending that one over]

Pythons Ripped My Flesh

Pythons Ripped My Flesh

Now that’s what I call taking a bite to the face like a man. Leave it to our dear friend Steve Irwin to get a chunk of his cheek taken out, and then react to it like it was an unexpected kiss. As he said, pythons have no fangs, and no venom so he’s in no danger whatsoever. Except of course for that whole face biting thing, that seems a bit dangerous.

I feel much worse for the snake though. The poor thing probably broke all it’s teeth bouncing off of Steve Irwin’s iron cheekbone. If that slithery fellow isn’t careful he might make Steve angry, and no snake wants an angry crocodile hunter on their tail. Try getting away when you have six feet of Australian using you as a rather fancy boomerang.

The Moral Of The Story?

The Moral Of The Story?


What’s the moral of this story? Hmmm.

I know: “Candy bars make you mighty.” No, that’s probably not it. “Bouncers are generally genial and cooperative when they get off work.” No, that probably not it either. A good offense is a great defense.” Probably not, but we’re getting warmer, I think. “One good turn deserves another.” Ooh, that’s pretty good, but not quite it. “People often begrudge others that which they cannot enjoy themselves.” Well, the robodork seems peeved. He must have been turned away at more than his share of nightclubs. We’re homing in now. “Every tale is not to be believed.” Well, this is faker than the breasts on Baywatch, but that’s not germane to the conversation.

“Australians talk funny.” Works for me.