Cute and delicious. It’s a shame that pigs are made of bacon, otherwise no one would eat something so adorable. They’d be like dogs, but bigger and meaner. You wouldn’t eat a puppy, and you wouldn’t eat a full-grown dog, but you would most certainly eat a pig. At least, I know that most of my readers wouldn’t be interested in eating a dog. It really is a shame that widdle piggies are made of food.

We should all collectively agree to only eat ugly animals. Only after a pig reaches a certain age and loses its good looks can you can feast on its innards. All meat should come with an FDA-approved ugliness label. Then we can feel secure knowing that we’re only consuming the ugliest of animals, and all the adorable ones are still frolicking around somewhere.