Christmas time is a wonderful time. Then Christmas ends and you’re stuck with half-a-ton of Christmas decorations lying around your house, not to mention an entire tree you’ve cut down and mounted in your living room. When January finally rolls around and you gin up the courage to chuck that fir-tree cluster bomb out onto the curb — don’t. Fashion it into a weapon instead! It’s no doubt what Santa would have wanted.

So we salute you, Mr. Christmas Tree Slingshot Inventor. Without your knowledge and foresight, I would have to buy a BB gun if I wanted to shoot my eye out.