I met a guy like this once. The handy type. He was an auto mechanic by trade and he claimed he could fix absolutely anything. In the time I knew him, I watched him fix three burnt out cars, twelve old lamps, and he even rewired two whole houses. Since we were somewhat friendly, he offered to fix anything I needed, free of charge. This was very generous of him, so I called him up the other day to ask for some help with a few odds and ends. However, I was quite disappointed when he flatly refused to help. He said, “Sorry bud, I really can’t help you with that. That’s between you, God, and your proctologist.”

Ever since then, I lost all respect for the man — and I still can’t sit down.