Making a Thing Out of, You Know, Another Thing
I have no idea what’s going on, but I approve.
That’s Not a Knife. This Is a Knife
If the Women Don’t Find You Handsome, They Ought to Find You Handy
I met a guy like this once. The handy type. He was an auto mechanic by trade and he claimed he could fix absolutely anything. In the time I knew him, I watched him fix three burnt out cars, twelve old lamps, and he even rewired two whole houses. Since we were somewhat friendly, he offered to fix anything I needed, free of charge. This was very generous of him, so I called him up the other day to ask for some help with a few odds and ends. However, I was quite disappointed when he flatly refused to help. He said, “Sorry bud, I really can’t help you with that. That’s between you, God, and your proctologist.”
Ever since then, I lost all respect for the man — and I still can’t sit down.
Annie, Get Your Gun
I’m not quite sure what you could do with something made from solid aluminum, but you can totally make it now. I mean, it would look pretty cool, I guess. A gun that doesn’t shoot sort of defeats the purpose. If you flip it around it can make for an alright club, but you’d be better off making a bat if you really want to bash some heads. At least it’s shiny.
I feel like a lot of the epic life hack videos on YouTube aren’t even trying to be helpful anymore. This one is cool and everything, but it doesn’t really apply to me, anyone I know, or anyone I have ever met, ever. At least he’s not telling me that I’m supposed to cut banana peels off with a laser instead of using my hands, or that it’s easier to open a soda can if you run it over with your car, or that you can suck Marmite out of a squirrel if you’re lost in the wilderness. Videos like that are silly and I refuse to submit to them. I know how to peel a banana. Don’t tell me how to peel a banana. I don’t care how monkeys do it; they throw their poo and eat bugs. I’m a man, I can peel my own bananas, thank you.
If epic nice life hacks for your life videos got any less helpful they’d become eHow videos, and the world doesn’t need more eHow videos.