I wonder if I could use one of these to capture a girlfriend. I’m not sure what to bait it with. Probably shoe store coupons. If all else fails, I’d make a little shrine in the center covered in Starbucks cups, Häagen-Dazs, and mixed drinks that taste like Zima dumped in a sugar bowl.

Meh. Perhaps capturing wild hogs isn’t the same as capturing a suitable mate. While it’s true that they both travel in packs and will devour your bait in minutes if you aren’t careful, potential girlfriends can usually tell when they’re walking into a trap. I’ve found that a giant cage swinging overhead is a dead giveaway, so I’ve learned to be more shrewd. I tell them, “If I were you, I wouldn’t go into this trap.”  For some reason, it works twice as well if you can get their father to tell them not to go into the trap.

I doubt the same technique will work on feral hogs because they don’t really get reverse psychology.