The UFO guy is my hero. Not for any of the obvious reasons — I just kind of like him. He’s a bit “off,” and he’s not afraid to show it. That’s a quality I admire in people. I know a fellow who looks a bit like UFO guy and talks a bit like UFO guy. He’s a barrel of monkeys by all accounts, and he’s a very good friend of mine. It’s my considered opinion that everyone should have a UFO friend. If the greys ever invade you want a long-haired psycho on your side who’ll know exactly what to do when they bust out the probes. It’s why Scooby Doo has Shaggy. There’s a man who knows his way around a probe. Err — I mean, he’s probably done a lot of research. I phrased that badly.
Anyways, my UFO guy friend is a constant source of amusement, because I never know what novel ideas he’s going to send my way. He’s like every episode of the X-Files rolled into one person. I mean, I don’t believe anything he says, but it’s fun to listen and egg him on. He could be the twitchy stoner in my crime-solving dream team. Now I need to find a nerdy girl, a jock, a hot chick, a token ethnic hire, and a sweet van. I can be mission control, because I really don’t want to go outside — or put on pants.