I don’t like to brag, but I’ve met a girl before. Talked to her and everything. I’ve seen many more while out and about, but the restraining orders keep upping the yardage I’m required to keep between me and them, which makes conversation difficult. I’ve even heard rumors from my dad that mom used to be a girl before she was a mom. Anyway, maybe it’s just me, but I’m fairly sure that many women can cut a tomato without a trip to the emergency room. They seem to be able to iron a garment without burning down the house. Several of them have boiled pasta without incident. A solid plurality of the girls in my life have been able to operate both pillows and blankets. As a matter of fact, they seem to be able to operate blankets a little too well on cold nights.

Anyway, I wish I could have met some of the women in this infomercial compilation instead of the ones I always encountered. Maybe they would have actually gone for my pickup lines.