You Have the Right To Remain Russian

You Have the Right To Remain Russian

You have the right to remain Russian and to refuse to use turn signals. The total destruction of wide swathes of urban roadside objects and other cars may be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to crash into an attorney before colliding with a police car, and to have an attorney present, lying in the road or on a gurney, during questioning.

If you cannot afford eyeglasses or Lasik surgery, a co-pilot who mumbles directions will be appointed for you before you bang a youie on the highway if you wish. If you decide to cross three lanes, a median strip, and a sidewalk without signaling, without an attorney present, you will still have the right to stop babbling Cyrillic nonsense at any time until you find an attorney’s car to crash into. Knowing and understanding your rights as I have explained them to you, are you willing to drive in Russia without an ambulance present?

4 thoughts on “You Have the Right To Remain Russian

  1. I made it through 3:14 before my home plumbing project started calling my name. Don’t get me started on that.

    Up to that time point, I counted 2 hit and runs, or maybe it was 1 hit and run, and 1 run and hit. The dog and the limping lady was a nice touch, if we can be totally disconnected from reality by virtue of the little video frame. The lady was like, “dang, my leg hurts for some reason,” and the dog was like, “man, my whole head and shoulder housing feel like the human’s breakfast.”

    I have hope. 5 years ago these were all hit and runs. Most of them are now stopping, which must be a credit to the yeoman’s work the lawyers are doing in Russia. It takes time and effort to get the general public to cough-up liability money like that.

    Where’s my pipe wrench?

  2. Someone’s going to start a cable Dash Cam Channel, and be able to have fresh content 24 hours a day. And people will want to pay more for that than they would for ESPN.

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