I love calling it rollerskating. It drives guys like this right up the wall. Er, I mean further up the wall. Somehow he thinks calling them roller blades is supposed to make them cool. I am beset by doubts on that score.

This reminds me of talking to that smelly guy in the second cubicle over at any office park job. You know the guy. He looks like Comic Book Guy from the Simpsons. He lists his interests on his Slack bio as geocaching and pornography. When he’s not cropdusting the office, he’s sitting at his desk covered with Star Wars figurines. He uses the word “canon” to describe muppets in space. You know, that guy. Anyway, it’s fun to walk by his cubicle and compliment him, isn’t? You say, “I love your Star Trek dolls,” and walk away quickly.

They’re ACTION FIGURES! It’s Star WARS, not Star TREK!

So anyway, here goes. Hey, Greg Mirzoyan, I love your roller skates.