In the words of Norm Crosby, I hate to cast dispersions, but fellas, come on. You’re dressed like John Kerry. This is not a manly pursuit.

Don’t get me wrong. I applaud your attempt to introduce the only element missing from from boring “sports” like yacht racing and cross-country running: defense. If the America’s Cup racers had a whiff of grapeshot and a hint of Trafalgar about them, I’d watch them.

So elbowing each other while you race bicycles is a start, but then you go and ruin it by whining to a referee after you flop like a soccer player, and have the other guy tossed out. Man up, dudes. Put spikes on your hubs and beat each other with whips while you circle the track. Have the fallen riders get run over during the following lap if the guys with the stretchers can’t get them off the track fast enough.

And for god sakes, put on a leather dress like a real man would.

(Many thanks to longtime friend of the BSBFB, Charles Schneider, for sending that one along)